That for which there are no words. . .

“The sea is a color for which there are no words,” says  a beloved book, Sarah, Plain and Tall. I love these words. I loved them in 3rd Grade. I love them now. I love it because it reminds me that sometimes, words can’t say everything.

Like right now.

I haven’t written in a while.  Why? Have I not been inspired? Maybe. Have I not made the time? Perhaps.   Why are the words slow in coming? Maybe because they aren’t there.

Words can’t capture my guilt for leaving the South Bronx. Or my sense of failure this year. They can’t say how at the very same time, I’m relieved. Like I’ve been under water holding my breath, swimming frantically and I finally see the light shining through the surface of the water.  (Cue guilt.) 

 Words can’t say how my heart leaps and breaks over starting a new season. I’m leaving this school,  these people that I love, and these students who have written themselves on  my heart. Tears, not words, are all I have right now.  Leaping, breaking, leaping, breaking, back and forth. Back and forth. A tug of war in my soul.  

I am afraid to sit and write. I’m afraid to sit down and discover the broken pieces of my heart. The tug of war will end, and I will know which side I will fall on. So I’m going to attempt to write my way through it.

As I teach my students, we write the truth of our heart.. we are courageous, and when we don’t know what to say, we write the words that feel true. So here we go. May it not be another 25 days before I do that.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “That for which there are no words. . .

  1. kristen

    honest. beautiful. love it.

  2. amy

    words are powerful. your words are powerful, beautiful…and bring tears to my eyes. indulge me in a tangent the way that “tears” is both a noun and a verb. i love that and think about the “tearing” of the veil from top to bottom which allowed access to a greater, richer openness… may this season allow fresh sun light to come into these parts of your heart (our hearts)…

    You are radiant, Ms. Reyes!

  3. Pingback: Saying Goodbye to a Classroom is TOUGH! « Chasing Beauty…in the classroom

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