every day i’m afraid i’ll never have my own classroom again.
every day i lose a little bit of who i used to be.
every day i doubt even more that i’ll find my way back. and my heart can’t handle that.
because what then?
It’s July. And I will have my own classroom again.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I would find God if I didn’t know him.
Silly right? How can you look for something while pretending it’s not already there? You can’t, can you? It’s like playing Hide and Seek with eyes wide open.
I have officially asked God for this. To let me go on a journey of sorts to find him in the purest of ways. Would I be wooed by the fall leaves, or the waves of the Pacific? The weave of fiddle and banjo of a Mumford & Sons song? Would it be the dimples on my students’ cheeks or the laugh of my friend’s baby girl? The peace of a classroom? If I didn’t know him, would I find him here?
I think so. These things are heavy with glory. I see it, feel it, and KNOW it.
I can’t pretend NOT to name it. And yet I want new eyes.